What to Look For In a Life Partner
“Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?”
I remember when I first started thinking about dating and marriage, I created extensive lists of characteristics I wanted in a future spouse. My lists covered everything from personality traits to preferred hair color. For a long time, I was convinced that having a detailed list of qualities would make finding the right person easier. However, I eventually realized that while having preferences, like whether I wanted a partner with dark or blonde hair, is fine, these attributes are not the foundation of a strong relationship.
It’s easy to compile an idealized list of wants and preferences for a life partner, but in reality, only a few things truly matter. Foundations matter. When we build our marriage on the core values and qualities that truly support a lasting relationship—such as trust, respect, and shared goals—it will be able to withstand life’s many storms.
So, what are the things that will set marriage up for success down the road? What are the things that really matter? Paul gives us some solid marriage (and general friendship) advice when he writes, “Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?” - 2 Corinthians 6:14
Shared Love for God…(and Life)
A healthy marriage must be built on a shared love for God and a common vision for life. The things we love drive us and shape our priorities, which is why Paul advises, "do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers." For believers, a deep love for God should be the most defining aspect of our lives. When we are yoked to someone who does not share this love, tension and frustration are likely to arise, as we may find ourselves pulling in different directions and drifting apart.
In addition to a shared love for God, it’s crucial that you and your life partner have similar passions and interests. When dating, take the time to understand what your partner values and be willing to engage in those interests. For instance, if one partner loves sports while the other does not, this difference might lead to conflicts later in life. Ensuring that you are equally yoked in both spiritual and everyday aspects of life helps align your goals and creates a strong foundation for a lasting relationship.
Better Together
Secondly, a healthy marriage should uplift and improve us. The relationships we engage in profoundly shape us—they can either enhance our growth or lead us to decline. This is why Paul asks, “What partnership has righteousness with lawlessness?” There is no true partnership between righteousness and lawlessness, as their goals are fundamentally different.
In the context of marriage, which stands as one of the most significant and intimate relationships we will experience, it is vital that both partners actively contribute to each other’s growth. A relationship that fails to make each individual better during the dating phase will not magically improve once married. The foundation of a healthy marriage is one where both partners support and challenge each other to become more like Christ. This involves being a source of encouragement, helping each other address weaknesses, and pushing one another toward personal and spiritual growth. Your life partner should inspire you to be a better reflection of Christ and His righteousness, fostering an environment where both of you can thrive and develop. Together, you should strive to be better, with each person contributing positively to the other's journey of growth and maturity.
Best Friends
And finally, a healthy marriage means your partner should be your best friend. Paul writes, “what fellowship has light with darkness?” Genuine friendship, or true fellowship, is founded on light and truth rather than darkness and secrets. For your spouse to be truly considered your best friend, there must be complete openness and transparency between you.
This level of intimacy requires sharing everything—your hopes, fears, joys, and struggles. A marriage should foster a sacred fellowship that is distinct from any other relationship, characterized by mutual trust and understanding. There should be no place for secrets or shame in this partnership. Your life partner should be the person with whom you can be entirely yourself, free from pretense or concealment. This deep, honest connection is essential for building a strong, enduring marriage where both partners feel valued and understood. In essence, a healthy marriage not only involves sharing your life but also your heart, making your spouse not just a partner but your closest confidant and best friend.